Choosing our friends is an important part of life and choosing the friends that are compatible can be a tricky at times. We all have had a time in our life when we have chosen people to be our friends that ended up being more of a disaster than a friend. So we learn from our mistakes and hopefully move on.
But sometimes we make friends with “things” that truly can’t be a friend back. When we start this friendship we think it’s going to be the perfect means to an end we need fulfilled. We can take on this friendship with full gusto or let it develop so slowly that it creeps into our lives like a slow growing cancer. What type of friend am I talking about here? I’m talking about clutter!
Are you living right now in total chaos? Is your spatial environment so out of control that it seems unfixable? Well that’s how my client Sue Ann* felt. Her physical living space was so full of clutter that it seemed like it was an impossible task to get order in her home. She truly believed that. When I told her that de-cluttering, organizing and getting her space back was totally doable, her eyes filled with tears. She really didn’t believe it was a possibility. It took till the end of the second day before she believed it could happen. Sue Ann said she held onto my belief because she had none.
I don’t believe Sue Ann always lived this way but circumstances in her life took her to this place and she didn’t know the way out. But there is a way out. There is a way out of every circumstance in our life and all we need is a decision. A decision that we don’t want to live that way any longer and if you don’t have the energy, know how, or strength to help move us out of it, then we need to know there are people that can help get us there.
What was clutter to Sue Ann? I believe that because of the trauma in her life and the intense rejection she experienced, she was now rejecting herself by allowing herself to live in an abundance of chaos and 100% dis-organization.
Margaret* was another client I worked with. She experienced such trauma in her life that her clutter kept her out of her bedroom. It was her way of protection. But with the help of her therapist, her readiness to make a change and her courage to work with me to make that happen, we de-cluttered her bedroom and made it not only livable again but pretty.
Lauren* is a potential client who has not made the decision to hire me yet. Her clutter is so intense that there are only pathways through her house and two chairs to sit on; which are both in the kitchen. Lauren’s trauma was experiencing the rape and then death of her mother at a young age, the murder of her father and then the murder of her brother. Her clutter feels like a wall around her. It is her protection. But Lauren is not ready to have that wall come down and I pray that she will someday soon. But intense trauma isn’t always the reason for our clutter. There can be less complex ones.
I have clients who are lonely and shop to compensate their loneliness to the point of having an abundance of items they really don’t need, won’t use or don’t have the space for. Or some clients have such a full schedule each day that something has to give in their life and the order in their home is what is chosen.
Whatever the reason might be, take a look at your clutter and ask yourself if there is a purpose for it … and is that purpose really being fulfilled? Take that step of courage and make the decision to begin the process of getting rid of the “stuff” and stop loving things and start loving what can love you back. You will begin to experience a sense of freedom and peace.
Your Organizing Expert …. Believing in You!
* Names are changed