What do we do with the pain in our heart from being abused by “cancel culture?” Today I’m going to give you some tools on what you can do to be healed from this abuse and move on in your life.
“I’d Prefer to Read Your Message!”
Welcome Friends to my Podcast Giving You a Fresh Start After Trauma! Know that if this is your first time listening to my Podcast, that God probably directed you to listen to a message that will bring some peace and healing into your heart. Let’s get started.
Last week I wrote about a new trend that is happening in our society and it’s called “cancel culture.” If you have not had an opportunity to read that writing, you can find it here. Last Week’s Message
I am amazed at the response that has shown up in my email and social media platforms. It’s seeming bigger than one thinks which is so very sad. There are even support groups created to help people navigate this abuse.
Today I want to focus on handling the pain you are in because of this abusive way you have been treated by a friend, family member or even your own child.
Now there is a foundation or place to begin.
- Be sure there is nothing you did to offend or hurt this person(s). Go to them and ask. If they show you something, then apologize and ask them how you can make it right even if they misinterpreted what you did. Sometimes they could be wrong in their understanding of something you did, but the reality is it’s how they are feeling about it. Apologizing and letting them know that was not your intent and attempting to make it right, is the correct thing to do. If they cannot accept your apology and your heart to make it right, then it’s on them and they just may have a heart that intent on hurting you.
- If you go to them and they don’t respond, then this is a different issue. This is happening exponentially to people. There is either no response (which is abusive) or they state, “they don’t know.” Understand they do know why they are canceling or discarding you, but they are just choosing to not let you know. Perhaps their intent is to continue to hurt you over and over again. Not telling someone why they are cancelling you out of their life, is wrong, rude, immature and abusive.
What do you do next?
- If you’ve apologized for something they feel hurt them and they still are cancelling you out, then move on. To keep trying and trying to get them to want you in their life is giving them a position they don’t deserve. Remember this statement from my last writing.
We are to get our identity from God and who He says we are. When people reject us and we keep trying to “fix it,” we are essentially elevating them to an importance they don’t deserve.
- If you’ve reached out and they are ignoring you and won’t respond … MOVE ON! You are worth more than what this individual is considering you as in a passive/aggressive way. As painful as that can be, begging for someone to be in your life is only going to degrade who you are and feeds into their abuse.
- You’ve reached out and they say they “just don’t know why” then MOVE ON! People know why they do the things they do. They may not have full clarity on it, but they understand their intent.
It’s a Lie
I’ve had someone apologize to me for “treating me so badly.” I asked why they were treating me this way, and they said they didn’t know. That’s a lie. They know and either just don’t want to say or they want to continue doing it because there is a purpose in hurting me. We need to set a boundary with this type of individual or totally move on.
Now I’m not saying to not try to work things out with individuals who are discarding you but at some point, we need to look at the reality of what they are doing and truly move on if nothing changes. They are not worth the energy of trying and trying and trying. Remember relationships are two ways.
What is so important for you to do, though, as you are being canceled out of people’s lives, is to not take it personally. If you’ve done the work of fixing what you did wrong, perfect. But if you fall into the other categories of them not responding or not telling you why, then IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. Don’t own it.
Just want to take a minute to talk to you about my coaching program. Transform Your Trauma into Peace. There is a way to live in peace because the Father has that for you. It’s a 12 week program to guide you to that place. I’m also working on creating a self guided program for you as well.
If you are being canceled because of the way you think or your beliefs, then there is nothing you can do. It’s very immature on their part to discard you because you think differently than they do. But don’t lose yourself and who God created you to be because of the pain they are inflicting upon you.
Take a minute and meditate on this clip from a movie I saw several years ago.
“I have spent so much time lately pretending to be something I’m not because I thought it was what I was supposed to be. I almost forgot who I am. Actually, I did forget who I am. I’m the girl who loves, family and the girl who loves romance, antiques and history.” From A Very Merry Mix-up
Never let a person mold you into a place that you forget who you are. When we have new pain in our life and the power of it is unbearable, it could be because there is a past trauma that is unhealed and this new pain is triggering it. Then to make the current pain go away, we will do anything to make that happen … and begging someone to not discard you … especially for no known reason is not healthy. It’s not healing your current pain or your old pain.
Let me ask you this “have you lost yourself” by what this person is doing to you?
“To be nobody, but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day,
to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
E.E. Cummings
God said this to me one day when I was dealing with being canceled, discarded and rejected. Could the same be for you?
“The reason some people have turned against you and walked away from you because what you think and who you are, has nothing to do with you. It is because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I’m taking you next. They will only hinder you in your next level.”
Perhaps God has something new for you to do, and these individuals will just pull you down, so He has helped to remove them from your life.
When you have been canceled by someone, we can tend to feel like we are less than. That we have character flaws and are not a person of value. Don’t go there and let this situation pull you down. You are worthy and you are loved by the Father more than you can imagine.
How Do I Deal with the Pain in My Heart?
- Give the pain to the Father and ask Him to heal your heart. Understand He is the great physician and only He can heal your wounds. He doesn’t put a band aid on them; He completely heals them.
- Renew your mind from what you think these individual(s) are doing to you and the lies you have created in your mind because of it. Don’t go down the path of should of, would of, or could of. Go to God’s Word and read what He says about you and how He made you perfect in His image. If you would like a guide to minister to you of God’s truth and who He says you are, click here. You Are Enough!
- Pray that that the Father will give you the strength and a heart to pray for them. Even if all you can say is, “Father bless them today.” I have people who have caused such pain in my heart and those words are the best I could do at that moment. When we pray for our enemies, the sting seems to lessen in our heart. God honors those prayers.
- Most importantly don’t let anyone pull you down and make you feel less than you are.You are beautiful in His eyes and worthy of love. The Father will send people in your life that love and accept you for who you are. Embrace them and let the others go.
I hope this message settles peace in your heart. If you need some pray, encouragement or love, please reach out. I’m here for you.
Your Spiritual Life and Health Coach … believing in you!
Please share this message with someone you know who needs to be encouraged!