The dams broke open and the floodgates of my confessions were flowing at a rate that couldn’t stop. Changing my confessions was a process and one that I wouldn’t want to go through again. Is that you? Are your confessions negative, foreboding and conflicting? Then perhaps this message is for you.
“I’d Prefer to Read Your Message!”
I don’t know about you, but I was raised with the “law of the land” that said what happens in the house stays in the house. Being terrified of my parents (actually mostly my dad), I knew better than to tell anyone what was happening to me. Quietly, I tried a few times to tell some people but that was to no avail, so I learned to shut up. Why bother … no one will help me … I’ll just take care of myself. I stuffed all that was happening inside myself until one day it wanted to explode …
… and I couldn’t stop talking about it!
Being able to talk about it didn’t happen until I was an adult and dealing with a tumultuous marriage. I started talking and didn’t stop. I was constantly sharing with people all the trauma I was engulfed in. It was like my dam broke and it all began spewing out. It got to a point that it was my identity and if something happened in my marriage that was abusive or painful, I HAD to talk with someone about it or I felt like I would lose my mind.
What I Didn’t Understand!
What I didn’t understand then was that my hope and expectation for a peaceful life would never rise above what I was confessing, talking about and living with.
“You will reap tomorrow the harvest of the words you sow today!”
The pain was so bad, and the dam was flowing so hard that I could not change my confession from the pain I was into having a heart full of faith and belief in the God that was full of promises. Resting in the confidence that He would hear my faith in Him and respond, was a struggle for me. I still had a hard time not transferring my earthly father’s character onto my Heavenly Father.
My Healing Journey
Over the years in my healing journey, I realized there were many reasons why the floodgates of my confessions were so negative.
- I finally got to speak about my trauma (past and present), and it didn’t have to be stuffed any longer.
- I was looking for someone to rescue me because sadly I was of the belief that I had no choice in what was going on. This is very common when you are abused. You believe that what happens to you by others, you have no control over, nor can you stop it. Two people had to shake me out of this.
- I wanted people to feel sorry for me, console me, give me advice, and maybe go and shake my abusers a little.
Years ago, when I was having ministry time with my Pastor and Therapist, he asked me how I was comforted after my abuse. I was silent because I didn’t get comforted. Sadly, I just stuffed it.
When my divorce started, I talked and talked about what was happening in and out of court. It was one issue after another and most times not in my favor. I didn’t realize that by continuing to talk about it I was feeding the trauma. It was like there were neon signs around me that said, you can abuse me, you can hurt me, you don’t need to provide for your family, etc.
I DID Have Victory!
Gratefully, I did have victory when the divorce finally was over. In the end, the judge who wouldn’t uphold his own court orders took care of the children and I. But I have wondered if my divorce would not have lasted as long as it did if I stopped feeding the enemy by acknowledging and focusing on what he was doing instead of what my God was doing. Because my God was doing a lot.
This was the beginning of my journey to understanding the love of my Heavenly Father.
In our trauma, we must at some point make a paradigm shift to living and speaking of the story that is healing us. There always is goodness happening even in those times when all looks dark. You might have to take a deep breath and get quiet to uncover it, but I promise, you can find something good, a sliver of hope of something to hang onto.
“When the Words of God’s truth and promises come out of your mouth, it becomes irrevocable,” unless you follow it up with faithless talk. We must be fully persuaded in what God’s Word/Promises say and stand on that no matter the circumstances.
What does it take to make that shift?
A decision. A decision that you don’t want to focus on the negative issues, and you want to begin to look at the good that is occurring at that moment. As I’ve said, it might be small but it’s there. By keeping your eyes on where you are headed instead of where you are or where you were, will begin to fuel a new story for you to talk about.
Sadly, when we are reliving trauma in our mind or via our mouths, our body does not know if you are just “telling a story” or actually reliving the trauma. Your cortisol rises and puts your body in the sympathetic system … the fight or flight mode. Just from reliving that pain.
Do we never talk about issues happening? No of course, not. Sometimes we need to tell someone what has happened. So, find that trusted person, share the story and then let it go. Obviously conversing with the Father is most important but sometimes we just need “flesh” to tell.
Create a “New Story!”
Then once you shared it, begin to create that “new story” and begin to write it down. Imagine what your victory will look like. Write yourself in that story and let it be a story of hope, and maybe even a trickle of joy will emerge.
Can you begin to start living a new story even amid some of your trials? If you feel confused on how to begin, then reach out. I’d be happy to chat with you to help you sort out getting on that new path. Change the dial on the TV of your life and find a new channel that will feed your soul and your spirit with life … more abundantly.
Your Spiritual Life & Health Coach … believing in you!
Please share this message with someone you know who needs to be encouraged!