Relationships can be hard even if they are healthy. But what if you are in a relationship that is not the healthiest, but you aren’t even aware that it is not. Take a listen to this podcast to shed some light on your relationship with your partner.
“I’d Prefer to Read Your Message!”
Welcome to my Podcast Giving You a Fresh Start After Trauma. This topic can be a little hard but stay with me because when light is shed on truth, healing can begin. Stay with me here.
Recently, I was around a young couple and their relationship concerned me. This gentleman was very critical of this young woman in almost everything she said or did. They were small criticisms but over time, the chipping away at her character could bring much harm.
I noticed when he criticized her, it caused her to retreat a little and this was outside of her character to retreat. Those retreats will eventually cause her to lose herself and cause her to walk in self-doubt. How do I know? I experienced it. Don’t let anyone do that to you.
Today I want to talk about whether your partner is lifting you up or tearing you down.
Because of the many issues I dwelt with from my childhood and even into my adulthood, I had many records playing in my head that I believed were truth. It has taken years to undue those records or beliefs and I hope to help you not go through all that I did. It was a journey and a painful one at that.
Narcissistic Behavior
Sadly, there were significant people in my life that displayed the behavior of a narcissist. I can’t necessarily call them out on that because I’m not a doctor. But after learning much about narcissistic behavior, it makes sense in my eyes that they are. As I got older, I seemed to attract that personality in my life and sadly I married one.
So, think about your partner. Do you feel peace and joy being around them? Do you feel supported by them and bottom line are they your best friend? A strong supportive relationship will make great efforts to please each other, listen to each other, grow with each other, do for each other and frankly put each other first in their life (after God, of course).
You might ask if I’m even “qualified” to give this advice as my relationships have been so bad? Sometimes it’s great to learn from someone who walked a path of destruction to only then seek healing and truth vs one who teaches from a “textbook”. The experienced person has much they can share from their journey. I’ve spent many years healing my soul and my heart.
Your relationship should not be about perfection but a place where there is mutual respect and you feel safe in. It’s a relationship where you can come alive. If that is not happening in your relationship, then it is definitely something to address.
In a healthy relationship, love displays itself in small gestures. Your partner will listen without judgment, apologize when they are wrong and joyfully celebrate your “wins.” They will respect boundaries and not try to control you whether through words or actions.
Here are signs of being mistreated by your partner?
- If you are made to feel you are “asking too much” in the relationship when you are just asking for the basics of love.
- You think it’s all your fault for the emptiness you feel.
- You begin to feel invisible.
- You feel like you are always doing things to get their acceptance.
- You don’t feel safe to be vulnerable and those times you are, you find they use it against you down the road.
- Time is hijacked with what they want to do or need to do, and your desires or needs are not a focus.
- When you are having a conversation, they don’t listen intently to what you are talking about.They seem to turn the conversation back on themselves. I used to be mid-sentence in a conversation with my ex and within seconds he took the conversation somewhere else, and it was about him.
- You never hear a real apology. You hear things like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You never hear, “I messed up and I’m sorry I hurt you.”
- You are being criticized by what you say or do and when you tell them that upsets you, their response is “can’t you take a joke” or “you are so sensitive.” Criticizing your partner is never a joke. It’s not a nice thing to do period.
Are you loving someone that is unsafe?
I personally had a hard time coming to terms in my destructive relationship because I almost had all the issues that I mentioned above happening to me. As you walk in shame, it’s hard to muddle through being mistreated and finally saying no more. I had to get healthy and discover my self-worth first before I could move on.
When I think about this young couple, it makes me sad. I see glimpses of my early life with my ex and only pray they are not falling into the same situation.
What is one to do if this is you?
- Your first step is to recognize this is an issue in your relationship.
- The next step might be to confront (in love), your partner. Perhaps they are not even aware they are behaving this way. It could be a learned behavior and if they are made aware that they behave that way, they can work at stopping.
- If they don’t acknowledge what you are saying, then only you can make the decision as to what to do next.Deciding if this is how you are willing to be treated is only a choice you can make.
Just know you are worthy and that you don’t deserve to be treated in that fashion.
I’m here if you need love, support and encouragement to talk through what you might be experiencing in your relationship with your partner.
Your Spiritual Life & Health Coach … believing in you!
Please share this message with someone you know who needs to be encouraged!