Have You Experienced Narcissists in Your Life? Sadly, I can say that I have for much of my life.
When people reach out for Life Coaching issues, there are a few areas that they are looking to make changes in their life. They perhaps are on overwhelm with fear, worry, anxiety and stress. Now having some of these emotions in our life is normal. It’s just when they reside in our bodies continually that it becomes an issue.
Why Do People Reach Out?
Some come for Coaching because they live with depression, have negative confessions, or live in self-condemnation. Depression does not need to be part of their lives and it’s not anti-depressants that are necessarily needed to be rid of it. If you are depressed, it’s not because your body is short on anti-depressants. Maybe these pills are a step gap but shouldn’t be used for long term.
Or some have emotional imbalances that they are wanting to be rid of and this draws them to Coaching. Because of prior unhealed trauma, their body is full of emotional imbalances and the concerning issue is that 85 – 90% of dis-ease is from emotional imbalances.
We have become a society where dis-ease or ill-health is now the norm. Sadly, we have a healthcare system that is really a “sick care system”. Why does insurance not cover preventative measures but only “sick” issues? In my neck of the woods, there are medical facilities popping up all over the place? It seems that people are given the solution of popping a pill as opposed to lifestyle changes? It is definitely something to think on. We are a nation that spends the most in health-related technology, yet we are the sickest.
Finally, an issue that draws one to Life Coaching is having a life that has been trodden over and they are done with allowing it. This last issue is the one I would like to discuss today … having a life that has been trodden over. I can truly speak on this because it’s been a very strong part of my life. For much of my life, I’ve had narcissists around me and some of them were very influential people.
Sadly, my ex-husband was diagnosed as one when we were going through our divorce. I didn’t even fully understand what that meant at the time other than he is being self-centered. But the past three years I have become more educated on narcissism and my life with him finally all began to make sense. I discovered why my life with my ex was so tumultuous and why it ended.
Growing up I was surrounded by this characteristic, and it groomed me to marry one. But as I’ve studied narcissism, I can now see that our world is full of them. I don’t think we can really get away from it, but we can at least not marry one, re-evaluate those in our life and learn how to navigate dealing with one.
What is a narcissist?
I love the way Shaneen Megji has defined it.
A narcissist is someone who is chronically and unapologetically entitled, arrogant, exploitative, lacking in empathy, grandiose in their self-estimation, high-conflict, manipulative, envious, easily angered, deceptive, and incessantly needy for validation from others to regulate their sense of self. Shaneen Megji, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach.
As I began to study this behavior the pieces fell into place as to why I felt the way I did. Because a narcissist is a master manipulator and can be so confident in their lies or manipulation, many times I felt like I was going crazy. “What was wrong with me?” I would constantly ask myself. Then I’d run to other people to process what was going on. I needed someone to tell me I was on balanced ground.
What did having narcissists in my life do to me?
- I lost myself, who I was and my identity. My confidence was gone and I was insecure finding it difficult to have courage to do things.
- There was something wrong with me and I felt I was defective. As a Christian I was to be a supportive wife but when I expressed I didn’t like being treated abusively, I was judgmental and on and on
- There were times I hated my ex and then would beat myself up for being a Christian and hating.
The list could go on. I had a life that was “trodden over” and it went on for years. Yes, there were times that were “stable” but those only lasted for so long. A narcissistic must have chaos in their life and they are masterful at creating it but taking no credit for their creation. It’s always someone else’s fault.
What finally gave me the courage to leave?
I believe the Lord was with me each step of my life … even those times I ignored Him. When I did finally have the strength to leave, He was very much part of my life because I believe He gave me the courage to say no more. I actually heard these words in my spirit one night … “enough is enough!”
The Lord instructed me to call 5 different Christian couples to pray for me. Their prayers and encouragement gave me the ability to stop the insanity in my life. Truly sometimes people had to shake me out of what I was tolerating. One night I was on the phone with my friend’s husband who had called to give me some information. At that moment my ex was out of control and when I expressed what was happening to my friend his words to me were “Regina pack a bag, take the kids and get out.” The sternness in his voice shook me awake and propelled me to finally get out of my situation. I was so used to my ex’s erratic behavior that even though I didn’t like it, I tolerated it. It took someone to shake me out of what of the chaos, which caused made me act.
So much healing was needed
There was so much healing that I needed from the trauma of my marriage, but God is good, and He is faithful. His love and protection never left me and enabled me to walk out of my tumultuous journey into wholeness. Was it easy? Absolutely not! It was long and painful, but I came out the other side more than a conqueror.
And so can you. Sometimes we are so used to our circumstances that we don’t have a barometer on the situation, nor do we know it’s not healthy. Sometimes we need a shaking and hearing another voice giving us the right perspective.
Don’t let your life be trodden over any longer. If you can’t do it alone, then reach out to someone who can walk alongside you. Being free of living with narcissism is something I wished I had done sooner or at least understood what its characteristics were and how to navigate this behavior. But sometimes you can’t navigate it and you must leave.
Take some time and reflect right now on the relationships in your life. Do any of them have the characteristics that Shaneen described? If so, consider making changes. It doesn’t always mean you have to leave but at least learn how you will not be trodden over by this behavior. But the first step is recognizing that it’s in your life and then making the decision to make a change.
Be blessed and be encouraged.
Your Spiritual Life & Health Coach … believing in you!